Gloves or No Gloves in Your Divorce?

So, is it better to kill 'em with kindness or just kill 'em (metaphorically speaking) when getting a divorce?  I've seen it handled both ways and there are pros and cons to each.  

If you can and do agree on everything, there is no reason to approach your divorce with boxing gloves on.  Do it nicely; get it over with and move on in life.  If you do an uncontested divorce, when you pass in the grocery store or restaurant years from now, you will be able to smile and say hello. An uncontested divorce is certainly the easiest, most pain free and quickest way to divorce in Georgia.  But not every divorcing couple can agree on everything in advance.

If you can't agree on everything in advance, is it time to don the boxing gloves?  Not necessarily. 

There is no need for undue acrimony in a divorce if you are both committed to full and open transparency and a desire to handle things amicably.  But is that really the case or is your spouse just trying to sell you a bill of goods to avoid being put under the spotlight?  Gaslighting is very common these days and spouses who are trying to hide something, such as secret investments and excessive spending  may try to convince you that there is no need to request a lot of documents from each other because that will only drive up costs and, if you go decide to that route, they will not be as reasonable and generous in the division of assets.  That line is a warning sign that: (i) your spouse is trying to manipulate you and (ii) you are about to get shafted. 

Your legal right to an equitable division of marital assets isn't dependent upon your spouse' generosity on a given day.  It is your legal right.  If you are worrying about keeping your spouse happy during the divorce negotiations, you are extremely naive.  Trust me, the spouse you are about to divorce is not looking after your best interests.  They are looking after their own best interests.  Divorce is an adversarial process even when amicable.  Keeping it amicable is one thing.  Caving in to pressure and manipulation from your soon-to-be-ex is quite another.

If your soon-to-be ex is pressuring you to avoid the expense of discovery but is unwilling to be transparent and disclose everything, put on your boxing gloves and expect a fight.  You shouldn't have to fight to have a full disclosure of all financial assets but you may need to if your spouse isn't forthcoming with information and documents.

So whether you put on the gloves or take them off will depend on your spouse's reasonableness, good faith and transparency.  Hope you don't need boxing gloves to get a full and fair settlement in your divorce but don't hesitate to put them on if you do.